You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
