I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
