Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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