Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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