Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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