I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
