I feel great
I just peed on a car
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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