My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
