Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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