In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
