did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
