margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
