I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
