im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
