you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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