Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
