The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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