it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
