ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
