how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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