Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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