CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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