I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
