Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
