your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I looked at my own cervix.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
