so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
