p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
