This girl is more easily done than said...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
