I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
