My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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