My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
