If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
