I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
