I am spending my child support on dildos
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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