my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
