it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
