I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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