Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
