so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
