I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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