and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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