Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
