He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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