Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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