i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
