Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
