big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
