Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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