Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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