running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
