Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
