the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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