what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
