hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
