In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
