I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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