I wish you could order shots online.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
