I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
