You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
