Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
