I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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