Umm I'm too high to move.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
