Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
