i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
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underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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