there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
