Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
