If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
