i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
