so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
