I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Drunk is not a location!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
