as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
