just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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