put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
