If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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