Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
