So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
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I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I pour the whiskey from now on
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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