And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
