I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
