The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i've created a new STD.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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