it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
