I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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